“We live in a world where nuance is in short supply” — Trevor Noah

I have this sort of pop out three-window area thing in my house that’s perfect for plants. So we have a bunch of plants, and last year I was so good at taking care of them. We had this one. I named it Jim. Something was wrong with him. He had this sort of white chalky stuff on his leaves, so I did some research and made this concoction and sprayed it and did surgery on it in the middle of my living room and prayed over it and loved him back to health.

I love the idea of plants in my house. There was a time last year when I told my husband I would be the plant caretaker. Then they started dying. Because I am horrible plant mom. I love the idea being a plant mom. But somehow I don’t love taking care of plants.

It’s like I literally want the forest but keep forgetting it’s made up of trees.

That’s the core of today’s episode about nuance. How details change the big picture.

I’m thinking of nuance as a skill. A practice. A spiritual posture, if you will. I want to propose the idea that Jesus, by embodying and fulfilling the Law of God — all that God required for mankind, is nuance.

But first we need to talk about what nuance is.

I love this definition of nuance. It actually came from Irma, my AI assistant. Nuance is love with depth perception.

But what if we started thinking about nuance as a skill?

What if we started looking to love people with depth perception?

I used to think I wanted to be in full time ministry in a church. I thought discipleship programs were my jam. I loved planning programs. I loved the fun of gatherings and being up front and teaching and leading and grouping people together. I was much more comfortable sitting in a cubicle planning ministry than I was being called to actually visit someone in a hospital who just lost a baby or who just found out they had cancer. To sit with them and listen to them and just be. Like Jesus.

I believe, however, I did more effective ministry with those few individuals I sat with in moments like that than I ever did planning big events or putting together programs from my cubicle. And please hear me when I say that I do believe real ministry does happen from cubicles in the planning for some people.

But for me, to say I loved ministry meant I had to love people. And I’m not sure I actually did.

There’s a nuance there. A big one. And it matters.

We can take take this to the Pharisees and the teachers of Law during the time Jesus was on earth, and I think it’s pretty easy to see. Those guys spent their whole lives dedicated not just to learning but to protecting the law. They memorized it; their lives literally revolved around it. They spent their whole lives protecting the Law of God. But most of them got lost in the weeds.

The Pharisees loved the idea of Law. They loved the structure and the clarity and the boundaries. They loved protecting it. But then somewhere along the way, they stopped seeing the people the Law was for. They lost the nuance - the trees - and started tying to guard the forest instead.

So then Jesus showed up. And He didn’t throw away the Law. He embodied it. He showed us what the Law looked like alive and relational and full of mercy. He became the Law fulfilled.

Jesus is nuance. He refuses to choose between truth and love. He holds both. He is both.

When Jesus healed on the Sabbath, He didn’t break the Law, He revealed the heart, the spirit of the Law. When He touched the leper to heal him, He didn’t ignore the Law about purity, He restored a person and revealed the heart of the Law — love! When He ate dinner and hung out with tax collectors and people our parents wouldn’t have wanted us hanging out with when we were in high school, He wasn’t making bad decisions, He was proclaiming the good news to the people who needed to hear it the most.

Everywhere Jesus went, He showed us what God had always been like: holy and compassionate, truthful and full of love.

He is the Law with a pulse. He is the Word of God inside skin.

And if that’s who Jesus is - then you and I are not too much or too complex. We aren’t wrong for having layers. You’re not too much for a God who literally sees every tree and still loves the whole forest.

Nuance is the difference between loving an idea and loving the people the idea was meant to serve. And that’s exactly where the Law went wrong in the hands of the Pharisees — and where Jesus steps in as its embodiment, its fulfillment, its nuance with skin on.

I don’t understand it fully. But I want to explore it. Because I think it goes deep. I think it’s who Jesus is. And it makes sense why so many of us have felt so wrong with faith that only made room for black-and -white answers. Because without nuance, you’re not allowed to feel hope while you feel afraid. When faith is made black-and-white, you’re not allowed to grieve and be grateful at the same time. There’s no room for “too much” without nuance.

But Jesus lives the nuance. He is love with skin on, all bendy.

And this is where the Pharisees come back into the story for me. Because they loved the idea of the Law. The structure, and the clarity and the boundaries. They protected it with all they were. But somewhere along the way, they stopped seeing the people the Law was meant to serve. For the Pharisees, there was no nuance because they didn’t have the Spirit of Jesus to color it.

And that’s why this matters. Because without Jesus the Law of God and all His ways are just things He says to do. And ways He says to live. Just flat pieces of paper or whatever.

But Jesus is the actual life.

Without Him, the Bible is just a bunch of words and church is just a place to go.

And that’s why this matters right now.

Because I think somewhere along the way evangelical church and the tenets that formed its traditions lost the nuance of the body of Christ. Church is not just a place to go. The Church of God is actually the Body of Jesus Christ. In this conversation about nuance, then, the church itself is full of all the texture and color of all the nuance that is Jesus.

But somewhere between fighting culture wars and learning to wield our Bibles as the Sword of the Spirit we lost the nuance and forgot to let Jesus bring the life. I think somehow we let the large idea of church and Christianity get so general and big that we forgot it’s actually the nuanced that makes the church the actual Church. And maybe this is why we don’t know how to disagree with each other anymore about stuff like politics. Because there’s no bend, just rules.

And I think that’s why nuance is sort of a skill to be practiced. Or maybe a discipline to practice. Because it’s awkward and undefined, really. I can’t spell out for you exactly what it looks like in each circumstance to follow His ways in every single situation. To delight in His ways at all times. To listen for His Spirit. And that’s the nuance.

I can tell you a couple of things I’m doing to practice, though.

• I’ve started getting quiet in the morning. Sometimes that means not immediately grabbing my pen to write in my journal but instead just sitting there quietly and listening.

• For this season during Lent I’m practicing not streaming TV shows at nighttime but instead reading.

• Every morning, I ask God to search my heart.

What about you? What ways can you think of to practice building a discipline of nuance?

I would love to hear them!

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I’m trying something a little different here on Substack and writing the script for Episode 19 of today’s podcast, When Power Refuses to See: The Bent-Over Woman, The Survivors, and Ourselves, as well as adding the audio. Enjoy!

Paying attention

“To pay attention - this is our endless and proper work.” 
Mary Oliver wrote that. She was the amazing poet who paid attention as a career. She literally spent her life paying attention.

It seems like the more we pay attention, the more our attention is renewed. It’s like a renewable resource, I guess.

Today’s podcast episode is about focus — and what we reveal about ourselves when we pay attention to what matters. Because focus is one thing, but attention goes deeper. Attention becomes seeing. And seeing is where dignity begins.

Jesus used His focus to restore dignity to people. He saw people. The disciples did it, too. When Peter healed the guy who couldn’t walk as he and John were going up to the temple gate called “Beautiful” Peter looked straight at him before he spoke to him. So did John.

When my family and I lived in Paris for a few months in 2005, there was this homeless man sitting outside a store one night. But this man was just sitting there looking so despondent. I don’t even think he was asking for anything. He just looked so desperate and ashamed. We had just stopped and bought milk, but my husband had stepped into a store real quick to grab something else while I waited outside with our kiddos. So I real quick looked at the man and just asked in French “would you like some milk?” As soon as I asked him that, you guys, his eyes met mine and it was like life returned for a hot second somehow. All I had was milk. And a question. And a super thick American accent. But somehow I was able to offer him a tiny bit of dignity because that guy knew someone saw him.

And then there are times we refuse to see someone, we won’t look, for whatever reason, we don’t give our attention, refuse to see the human that’s there.

The Survivors

Last week, I watched more than half of the House Judiciary Committee hearing with Attorney General Pamela Bondi. I watched it because the Epstein stuff feels personal, you know? And there were survivors in the room. And it was important.

I tried to watch and give it an honest go. I can honestly tell you I tried with all that was in me to look at — to see Pam Bondi as a human, like what might it be like or feel like to be in such a tense place with so much responsibility and hatred pointed at me? I tried. I promise.

And then Congresswoman Pramila Jayapal took the floor. She asked Attorney General Bondi if she would be willing to turn around and look at the eleven survivors behind her. Just look at them. Acknowledge them. See them. And apologize for outing the Jane Does whose names had not been redacted and some of who were now dealing with their families who had not known before her department released their unreacted names.

And she refused. She wouldn’t even turn around.

She kept her eyes forward.

She would not grant them the dignity they deserved.

When she was asked another time about the mishandling of the Epstein files, Attorney General Bondi made her focus clear and said “We should be making America safe.” She said this after going off on a diatribe about how the NASDAQ and the DOW are crushing it right now and how “that is what we should be focusing on.” SAFETY was her focus, she said.

I feel like it’s important to define the word “safe” here. Look it up on dictionary.com. It means “secure from liability to harm, injury, danger, or risk”

I wonder how safe those 11 Americans felt sitting there that day.

So money was her way of ensuring Americans’ safety. But she didn’t look those 11 humans in the eyes or tell them how safe they were because of the greatness of America’s economy.

The next day, the survivors talked about what that felt like — to be there, and to be so deliberately unseen.

That moment stayed with me. Because Pamela Bondi refusing to look at those 11 survivors of is not neutral. It’s a choice. And it reveals something..

There are so many more things I would like to say about that day at that hearing. But I won’t.

The Bent-Over Woman

Instead, I’ll tell you what I found in Scripture. Not to weaponize Scripture but to tell you the plain old truth about a thing that Jesus did. A time He chose to see a woman that a powerful man chose not to see.

You can read it in the book of Luke in chapter 13. It says,

“On a Sabbath, Jesus was teaching in one of the synagogues, and a woman was there who had been crippled by a spirit for 18 years.

She was bent over and could not straighten up at all.

When Jesus saw her, he called her forward and said to her, “Woman, you are set free from your infirmity.” Then he put his hands on her, and immediately she straightened up and praised God.

Indignant because Jesus had healed on the Sabbath, the synagogue leader said to the people, “There are six days for work. So come and be healed on those days, not on the Sabbath.”

The Lord answered him, “You hypocrites! Doesn’t each of you on the Sabbath untie your ox or donkey from the stall and lead it out to give it water? The should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for 18 long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?”

When he said this, all his opponents were humiliated, but the people were delighted with all the wonderful things he was doing.”

So we have three main characters: Jesus, this woman who can’t walk upright, and the leader of the church.

Let’s talk about where they each chose to steward their attention.

First, there’s Jesus.

He goes to church on Sabbath. He’s teaching because He’s. Jesus. And He sees. He sees her. He notices her. And He knows her. The way Luke tells the story, he gives very few details about where they are or when it is - on a Sabbath, one of the synagogues. But the woman?

Look at how much Jesus sees!!!!!

• she was there

• she’d been crippled

• not just crippled, but for 18 years

• she was bent over

• she couldn’t straighten up

• she couldn’t straighten up at all

When Luke wrote this down he wrote that Jesus saw her. And the word he used was more than just NOTICED. He saw who she was. He saw she was bound up. He saw she was a daughter of Abraham. I wonder how long it had been since that woman had actually been seen.

And then. He called her over to Him.

Don’t you wonder how long it had been since that woman had actually KNOWN she had been seen? I mean, she couldn’t see people looking at her, she was bent over. She was small. She took up space she probably felt like she shouldn’t be taking up. But Jesus called her over to Him. He saw her and He made sure she knew He saw her.

Then He put His hands on her and whatever was going on with her, whatever had her bent over like that for all those years, he freed up, and she stood straight up. And she praised God.

And so we have the woman. Her attention goes to Jesus. The word Luke used was a word that means “glorify”. It means to value God for who HE actually is. That’s it. It’s all we know about the attention she cared to give to anyone. It’s all Luke tells us. She glorified Jesus.

And then there’s the Pam Bondi of the story. The synagogue leader who wouldn’t even acknowledge the woman in his congregation. The one who’d been in so much pain she couldn’t stand up straight for 18 years but came to church anyway. Let’s notice what he chose to pay attention to.

It’s interesting because at first, it seems righteous and holy to some people. It was the Sabbath, right? He was trying to protect the Sabbath.

God had given His people the 10 Commandments to follow, and the Law said to observe the Sabbath and keep it in the forefront of their minds. Give it attention. Keep it holy by remembering that God had freed them from their bondage.

And now here was Jesus freeing this woman from her bondage right in front their eyes.

Hypocrites!

They were only pretending to “observe” the Sabbath.

Let’s take a look at the word “observe” Interesting choice of words, right?

It’s from Deuteronomy 5:12 where Moses told the Israelites before they entered the promised land all the ways God gave them to live.

Here’s the one about the Sabbath that this synagogue leader was so concerned about:

“Observe the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work…On (the sabbath) you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may res, as you do. Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought your out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded your to observe the Sabbath day.”

So the word OBSERVE Shamar in Hebrew. Look at some of the words used to describe what this word means in Hebrew: guard; to protect, attend to, take heed , look narrowly, observe, preserve

**So let’s get this straight: The guy in charge of church that day - his job was to guard and protect the holiness of the Sabbath so that the congregation would remember they’d been freed from bondage. To actively observe and remember the meaning of the Sabbath.

I mean, I guess it could have been an ethical conundrum. Like uh-oh. Is this work? But. If this guy had been STEWARDING HIS ATTENTION, no ethics logic would have been needed to be applied. Because clearly he would have seen this woman — she belonged to the people who had been freed from the Egyptians. A descendant of the very people - was being set free in an entirely different way.

And that is what the Sabbath was all about!

I need to confess that I have been distracted by the synagogue leaders’ choices. And by Pamela Bondi. Annoyed by their need to be right and prove others wrong.

So I’m thinking through the three people in this story and how to steward my own attention. And it’s easy, I think.

Ourselves

Because I want to put my attention like Jesus did on people. I want to see the dignity in each person. I want to notice and take heed of every human. Even when it costs me something. Even if it means I might have to turn around and apologize for something I might have done wrong.

I don’t want to be someone who refuses to see a person or their personhood because I’m looking to preserve my own pride. Or because I’m trying to prove I’m right and another person is wrong.

And here is where it gets real.

That is honestly getting kind of hard.

Because it is getting easier and easier for me to see the slip ups and to prove wrong the people I disagree with.

So here’s my prayer: God would teach me how to see, how to look at people like He does. How to slow down and notice who’s next to me and in front of me.

That He would help me remember Him, the one who frees me up, to remember the weight of His substance and His value first and foremost and not let the bullies who refuse to see the humans make me so mad I forget to remember.

That doesn’t mean I’m shutting up about the bullies who refuse to see. It just means I’m asking God to help me steward my attention well. So I spend it well.

That He would help me remember Him, the one who frees me up, to remember the weight of His substance and His value first and foremost and not let the bullies who refuse to see the humans make me so mad I forget to remember.

It doesn’t mean I’m shutting up about the bullies who refuse to see. It means I’m asking God to help me steward currency that is my attention well. So I spend it well.

Maybe you’d like to join me.

Here are a few books I’m reading and some podcasts that are helping me learn more about this. The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a Kempis; Rhythms of Faith by Claude Atcho; The Color of Compromise by Jemar Tisby

Podcast episodes: Check out the Spiritual Misfits Podcast on Spotify. There’s an episode titled “A Hidden Life in the Attention Economy” with Justine Toh

Journal Prompts to help you process:

1. When Have You Looked Away?

Think of a recent moment when you avoided someone’s eyes — even briefly.
What was happening inside you in that moment?
What were you protecting, and what did it cost you?

2. A Moment You Truly Saw Someone

Recall a time when you noticed someone’s humanity and responded with presence, compassion, or curiosity.
What shifted in you when you chose to see them?
How did that moment reveal something about who you want to be?

3. Who Is God Bringing Into View Right Now?

Sit quietly for a moment and ask:
Who is God inviting me to notice?
What person, story, or situation keeps coming into my awareness — and what might God be asking me to see?